A. Living alone is not easy and it is very clear that your mother is very lonely. For most women, their family is their life. In your mother’s case, your father and you would be the most important people in her life. With your father’s passing, you have become the focus of her life. Her interest in all your affairs is her way of showing her concern and love for you. Also, please understand that she has no other interests, as she rarely leaves the house. That said, it is very easy to understand your irritation towards her constant questioning.
The upside of this situation is the love you and your mother share. Often, there is little or no love left between parents and children, which is clearly not the case here.
In your case, the problem becomes easier to deal with if you understand your mother’s perspective—she is not interfering but cares for you. You are her only source of interest and you need to accept that. Try a few of the following recommendations to rearrange her life in such a way that her loneliness is reduced:
During your visits, try and divert the conversation to treasured moments of your mother’s life, such as childhood memories, early married years, places she visited with her loved ones, etc. This way, the time you spend together will become something you look forward to.
A. I can empathise with you; it is indeed shocking to see people we have known, loved, respected in such a terrible state. First, I would encourage you to form a group of your school friends who knew this teacher. This ‘core group’, working with energy and purpose, would be able to do a number of things for your teacher:
Also check out these homes below, which are free:
This process will not be easy but persistence will yield results. Please write if you need further help.
Dr Rana is a New Delhi-based social gerontologist and Founder of Positive Aged. Email her with your queries at positiveaged@gmail.com or write to us at contact.us@harmonyindia.org. Visit www.positiveaged.com
Photos: iStock Featured in Harmony — Celebrate Age Magazine May 2018
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